Rachel's story

I was abused from a very early age. When I got older I couldn't trust anyone and I often wondered if it was something I had done to cause it. I tried to tell myself that what had happened wasn't that bad and didn't bother me, so I could try to carry on with my life. I ended up homeless and in hostels for a while before coming in to contact with the survivor support project.

This project saved my life and helped me find stability, including a supported flat. It was then that I first experienced care and support from people without them wanting anything in return. At first I didn't want to meet other people that had experience of childhood abuse. I was scared and wrongly thought they would be like my mum or something. I had always felt so different anyway and felt that meeting people who had had the same experiences would reinforce that feeling. Overcoming these fears was a big part of my recovery, because I had never had that kind of support before. When the people that have brought you into this world don't care for you it is hard to believe that anyone will.

I trained in a job where I was in contact with people for most of the day, but having to talk to people all day long and trying to avoid questions about my past from them got too much for me. It was hard to appear OK when I felt so low inside.

I went on to do confidence and trust building courses with other projects who help survivors. I completed a breakthrough to excellence course which gave me the confidence I had never had and helped me gain the skills to turn negatives into positives. That really helped me turn my life around. For so long doctors just wanted to give me medication but building my confidence and being able to start trusting people has been exactly what I needed. I now feel safe in my own flat and have just passed my driving test, which are only two of the real achievements I feel I've made.

By telling my story I hope to raise awareness of how common sexual abuse is and the fact that it affects people of all ages, genders and backgrounds. You may not realise it but you probably know someone that has been affected by childhood sexual abuse. They may make everything look okay from the outside but there will be people you come across every day that are going through exactly what I did.

We always see stories in the media about the perpetrators that carry out the sexual abuse, but you never see how the victim is affected, and I hope to use my experience to make sure other adult survivors get the help they need to recover and lead stable and active lives like I now do. All survivors deserve to experience some happiness. I think that more justice for victims of these crimes would make life less of a struggle and really help the healing process. It took me a long time to realise it but the fact is that no child is responsible for their abuse and no-one should feel ashamed if it has happened to them.