How you can help a survivor close to you

When your partner or family member first tells you about the abuse, thank them, listen to what they're saying and tell them you believe them.

  • If you find the information difficult to take in, stay calm and explain that you need some time to process what they’re telling you, rather than staying silent.
  • Anger can play a part: your partner may express anger; you may feel anger on their behalf. Remember your partner’s anger, is not aimed at you, its aimed at the abuser. If you feel angry, remember that it will not help your partner to express these feelings. If things get heated, take a break from the conversation.
  • Intimacy can be tough for survivors. Withdrawal, anger, avoidance, flashbacks can all play a part. Try not to take things personally.
  • Remember a relationship is not just about recovering: you need to spend time together doing enjoyable things, allowing yourselves “time off” from recovery.
  • Take care of yourself: ask your partner or family member to allow you to talk to a friend or a counsellor about how you are feeling and be aware that you are also under emotional stress. You are more helpful to them if you feel ok, so making sure you are physically and mentally well is important.
  • Counselling and therapy can help survivors, their partners and their family members. Couples counselling can also be useful for partners.
  • Do some research: survivor issues are complex and can be shocking but familiarising yourself with what’s known about helping survivors, will allow you to offer better support and help you to deal with your own emotions.